I was living by myself. I had no extraneous expenses: only rent and food. And I was being paid ridiculously well. My parents and grandparents and others were all on my case:
“You should buy a house. Why are you renting, paying someone else’s mortgage?”
They were right. That was logical and common sense. I might’ve even put it on my long-term to-do list. But somehow I resisted. There was a deeper knowing inside me that rejected the whole idea of buying a property, though I myself did not understand why. I just noticed that it’s not happening. Now that I have moved to Ananda Village and my life path has revealed itself more, it is clear why the deep guide within resisted all that: getting into a bind like having a mortgage to pay may have prevented me to take the steps to get here.
My love relationship had recently turned long-distance. After a few months I was sensing that we were feeling more and more apart from each other. Someone close told me that “I should propose to her.” Even though I was feeling desperate and had no doubts about my love, that deeper knowing within me so strongly rejected such a remark. Though my mind was leading me to think it was what’s in store for us, the intuitive guidance knew better! Behind my seemingly agreeing mind, deeply I was rejecting the idea of marriage for me, regardless of where our relationship was heading.
Anyway, all these stories to say one thing:
Know the difference between your mind’s decisions for you vs. your higher Self’s decisions for you. And then aspire more and more to release your mind’s agendas and open to what your guidance tells you. As yogis we should aspire towards “wanting nothing, and being open to everything.”
Taking on the role of a discipleship to my guidance–my guru–I have tried to take myself and my ideas out of the equation. Rather I’ve tried to become more sensitive to listen and hear the Spirit’s guidance for every step of the way.
Sometimes friends tell me “so you decided to do this and want to do that…” I honestly can say I did not decide myself, nor do I want or not want anything. I’m simply listening to what I’m being told, what I’m being guided. At least this is my aspiration everyday…
How can we know it’s the mind talking or our true guidance talking?
Like anything else, practice it with little things. Observe how things feel beforehand, during, and how they turn out. In time, you’ll start to get a feel for what’s real and what’s mind’s faking it. Being in touch with the heart feeling is of outmost importance: is there a calm feeling or aggravated/excited feeling?
I bring this practice more and more even to small, more mundane things, like when to take a vacation, etc. I’m not saying don’t go have breakfast in the morning until your guidance tells you to! But be sensitive and appreciative of the truth that your every little energy movement, thought, will, and activity can be taking you towards or away from the light.
It’s not wrong to follow your mind’s ideas. It might tell you that you love traveling and you want go backpacking in every continent. It might tell you that you think it’s cool that your friend lives in an ashram and got a tattoo and you should go get a tattoo and live in an ashram.
That’s fine. But know that in the long run it might end up being a detour for you in your spiritual (and only real) path.
Rather, stay centered within your Self and just wait and listen. If you mediate and open up enough, you will start hearing the guidance. That guidance may indeed tell you to go travel or stay put, and/or get a tattoo.